Dating 101, the horror
by Sasuke's darkside
Summary: Sasuke and Neji have signed up for dating classes at the ninja academy, the poor poor fools, contains my odd humor that i'm amazed no ones complained about yet, i'm probably jinxed now, oh well enjoy. R
1. Is that a kunai in your dress ?

Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto.

Sasuke and Neji are in there late twenties in this, 28 and 29 or something, while Kakashi and Gai are in there early forty's, 41, 42ish, Naruto is a Hokage in training, while Sasuke and Neji are Jonin, Jiraiya's age is irrelevant.

Chapter 1 ; Is that a kunai in your dress ?

-

Sasuke was pacing outside a door in the ninja academy, it was 7 pm which is when the adult classes began at the academy, things like 'cooking for ninjas' and 'kunai arts and crafts' where thought around this time, and Sasuke was struggling with his choice to take this class.

"Uchiha ?" that voice belonged to the former rookie Jonin Neji Hyuga.

"Hyuga, what the fuck are you doing here ?" asked Sasuke caught off guard.

"Same as you it seems." Said Neji looking at the ground ashamed, as Sasuke broke into a fit of laughter.

"No way, ironic isn't it, the two of us having trouble getting a date when we used to be drowning in fan-girls ?" asked Sasuke calming his laughter.

"Yes, and Lee and Naruto married our biggest fan-girls, not that I'm envious, have you seen Naruto's son ?" asked Neji chuckling a bit himself.

"The one with pink hair and blonde highlights or the blonde with pink highlights ?" asked Sasuke relapsing into laughter.

"There on my genin team, along with Tenten and Lee's daughter, the one with fuzzy eyebrows." Said Neji cringing at the memory of when he first met them.

"Did you try to cop a feel off Tsunade or something ? I don't think I've ever been this happy that the village doesn't trust me with genin." Stated Sasuke opening the door of the classroom.

"Keep laughing Uchiha, Naruto is still trying to get you that privilege and, SENSEI !" Neji broke off as he noticed that the occupants of the classroom where Might Gai and Kakashi Hatake.

"Sasuke, Neji your youthful faces make me feel so happy and youthful !" shouted Gai sweeping the two Jonin's into a hug.

"So me and Gai aren't the only one's with relationship problem's ?" asked Kakashi.

"Yosh, I challenged Kakashi to deflower up as many blossoms as possible and the pretty flowers said such mean and hurtful things." Wailed Gai, Sasuke gave the other two a look.

"He means 'have sex with' and 'women', Uchiha." It was Neji who assisted the confused Uchiha.

"You two must have had the same problem, My eternal rival our blossoming students are carrying on our rivalry." Announced Gai crying some manly tears to a background of a setting sun with two struggling prodigies under his arms.

That's when the teacher finally arrived into the class, the legendary Sannin Jiraiya, he took a quick glance around the room, three former prodigies and one paedophile.

"Am I in the wrong room ?" Asked Jiraiya.

"Nope, there just having a moment." Stated Kakashi pointing to Gai as he continued to hug the life out of the newly declared 'rivals'.

"O-kay then, I want to see what I'm dealing with so tonight two of you will be going on a double date I have prepared, the other two will make observations." Announced Jiraiya handing clipboards to Kakashi and Gai and condoms to Sasuke and Neji, whom gave him weird looks.

"You never know." Replied Jiraiya to the looks.

-

( A questionable club in Konoha. )

Sasuke and Neji were currently sitting next to each other, awaiting the arrival of there dates, and surveying the club, Neji had noticed that there were few men in the club, and the one's who were there were at least in there forty's and not very attractive, yet were pulling relatively attractive women, Sasuke noticed that the barmaid was surprisingly tall and broad shouldered, but more importantly she was taking forever to get him his fucking drink.

"So you two yummy little boys on a date together ?" asked the barmaid winking lewdly at the two.

"Hell no, double blind date." Replied Sasuke, ignoring that her voice was very deep.

Suddenly two women walked up to the two prodigies, a red head and a brunette, it was the red head who spoke first.

"You must be Jiraiya's boys then, yum I call the Hyuga, let's get us a table." And off she went dragging Neji with her.

Sasuke turned to pick up his drink and was horrified to see Jiraiya behind the bar, in a skirt and apron.

"Here ya go hun." And oh god Jiraiya just winked at him.

"Come on sweetie, before my friend drags yours into the bathroom for a quickie." Sasuke was too freaked out at the moment the resist and was pulled to a table by the brunette.

It didn't help that occupying the table next to there's was Kakashi, wearing a fake moustache over his mask, and Gai, in a wig and dress, Sasuke wasn't sure if he should be drinking, his perception was this fucked and all he'd done was sniff the drink.

"Come on Hyuga, get off that tight little ass and dance with me." Said the red head dragging Neji off to the dance floor, and before Sasuke knew it he to was being dragged off to dance.

The brunette was dancing awful close to the Uchiha, and Sasuke had his Sharingan activated to keep up with the brunets movements.

It happened to suddenly for Sasuke to react, the brunette threw her arms around the Uchiha's neck and pulled Sasuke into a deep kiss sticking her tongue as far back his throat as possible.

"Uh I never thought I'd see you in here Sasuke, though I had always hoped too, I actually had quite a few dirty dreams about it hmm." Whispered the brunette to Sasuke as she guided the Uchiha off the dance floor to the bathrooms, hands roaming over Sasuke's toned body.

"Do I know you ?" asked Sasuke, trying to move the brunettes hand off his ass.

"You really don't recognise me ?" asked the brunette, pushing the Uchiha into a cubical.

"It's me, Kiba, now, do you want to top or should I ?"

-

"Oh my God, I made out with Garaa of the sand." Cried Neji as he rocked back and forth on the floor of the classroom.

"Ok, I'll read the observations now, Kakashi said "I can't believe those idiots haven't realised that there practically having sex on the dance floor with Kiba and Garaa.", and Gai said "Our students have masterfully seduced the two blossoms with hidden lotus's ." O-kay that is creepy." Read out Jiraiya, causing Neji to wail out "I seduced a what ?"

Kakashi finally entered the room, pulling the last Uchiha with him, who was only wearing a towel and scrubbing his chest muttering "Unclean, Unclean,".

"Jiraiya, why in gods name did you set them up with cross dressers ?" asked Kakashi, fearing what Jiraiya may set him up with.

"How was I supposed to know they were guys ? Besides how do you know they don't swing that way ?" Asked Jiraiya

"Sasuke screamed when he found out and I found him an hour later in the school showers shouting 'unclean', and Neji's still crying on the floor." Stated Kakashi.

"Maybe they're in denial." Said Jiraiya.

Before Kakashi could retort, Sasuke and Neji turned to stare at Jiraiya and in unison growled "YOU !".

"Ah Kakashi, doesn't it bring a tear to you eyes to see your students viciously attack a Sannin ? So youthful." Mused Gai with his arm thrown around Kakashi's shoulder in front of a setting sun.

"No, but I think it is bringing some tears to Jiraiya's eyes."

-

And that's the end of the first chapter, please no one take offence at Garaa and Kiba's role, it was nothing personal they just came to mind first. Well if anyone wants a second chapter I want lots a reviews.

R&R


	2. Pickup Lines

Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto.

Sasuke and Neji are in there late twenties in this, 28 and 29 or something, while Kakashi and Gai are in there early forty's, 41, 42ish, Naruto is a Hokage in training, while Sasuke and Neji are Jonin, Jiraiya's age is irrelevant.

Chapter 2 ; Pick up lines

-

( Classroom )

The last ray's of sunlight died as Jiraiya turned to survey his class, they had just finished learning how to remove a thong with chakra and he had homework for them.

"I am going to hand you out a list of the greatest pickup lines ever. As homework you must use some of them on some women, and note their reaction." Stated Jiraiya.

"Yosh, we should have a challenge, My eternal rival, my eternal rival's student and of course my student I challenge you all to get the better reactions." Wailed Gai magically conjuring up another setting sun.

"Here use these." Shouted Jiraiya throwing each of them a small recorder.

"So nobody thinks of cheating."

-

( Three days later )

Sasuke, Neji, Kakashi, Gai and Jiraiya sat in a circle on the classroom floor, Jiraiya let out a little giggle as they began listening to the recordings.

-

Kakashi x Kurenai

"You might as well sleep with me." Came Kakashi's voice.

"Kakashi, are you drunk ? Why would I do that ?" asked the surprised Kurenai.

"Because I'll tell everyone you did anyway." This was followed by some pained shouts.

Kakashi x Anko

"Hey Anko, If your left leg's Halloween and your right leg's Christmas." Came Kakashi's voice again.

"What are you talking about ?" asked Anko wonder why Kakashi was referencing her legs as holidays.

"Can I come visit you between the holidays ?" once more the group heard Kakashi's pained cries.

Kakashi x Tsunade

"Would you like to go out for pizza-" came Kakashi's voice.

"Alright." Tsunade had worked through lunch that day.

"-and sex ?" this time the noise was different, a monstrous scream came before the beating.

Kakashi x Ramen Girl

"Hey, how about we go back to my place and do some maths." Asked Kakashi

"What ?" asked Ramen girl.

"Yea, we'll add a bed….minus our clothes….divide your legs….and multiply." Said Kakashi, right before she dumped some just cooked noodles and he started the standard screams.

Kakashi x Sakura's mother

"If I bit my lip, would you kiss it better ?" asked Kakashi, already preparing to run.

"Why yes, I would Kashi, and anything else that hurt's too." Purred misses Haruno, moving a hand to slide up Kakashi's leg.

The group heard Kakashi give a whoop of joy before they heard the sound of clothes being removed, that was, until the group heard.

"Mom, I'm home, huh, Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing to my mother ?" everyone heard Kakashi's curse of "Shit !" before his screams filled the air again.

-

"Ouch, tough break with that last one Kakashi, but this is a good lesson for the rest of you, older women are easy, well except Tsunade that is." Explained Jiraiya as they moved to Gai's tape.

-

Gai x Shizune

"Lovely lotus, your clothes don't suit you, take them off ?" announced Gai as he barged into the Hokage's office.

"Oka- Wait, what ?" asked the confused Shizune.

"Take off your clothes and let us make babies." There was a scream from Shizune at this declaration, then there was some screaming from Gai as the usual beating sounds began.

Gai x Kurenai

"How would you like to feel my Chakra ? My beautiful Lotus." Asked Gai.

"What the Fuck is going on today, is there something in the water." Kurenai seethed before the sounds of a vicious beating began to play from the speakers again.

Gai x Tenten

"If I flip this coin, what's the chances of me getting head ?" Tenten only gave a shocked gasp before the beating began.

There was another gasp as Lee came upon the scene, giving Gai the time to escape.

Gai x Kakashi

"My eternal rival, how would you like to go out for food and…" Began Gai.

"No !" stated Kakashi

-

"You know I said women Gai ?" asked Jiraiya as they moved to Neji's tape.

-

Neji x Sasuke x Garaa x Kiba and Sasuke x ?

"Well, well, well, what do we have here Kiba ?" came Garaa's deep voice.

"Mmm the tasty Uchiha, and the pretty Hyuga hiding behind him." Replied Kiba as Neji cursed at being found.

"Why so shy Hyuga, you weren't last time ?" asked Garaa grinning.

"Um, Neji ?" asked Sasuke.

"What !" raged the Hyuga from still behind the Uchiha.

"There's a trail of sand running up your pant leg." Stated Sasuke.

"Sand ? Sand ! Get it off ! Get it off !" screamed Neji as Garaa cursed the Uchiha's eyes.

Several minutes later resulted in a now pant less Neji hang from the Uchiha's shoulders, and still trying to hide behind him.

"Nice panties Hyuga, Kiba, Lets drag the Hyuga into that alley over there." Said Garaa.

"No ! I want Sasuke." Complained the dog man/cross dresser.

"Have you ever been on the receiving end of a Chidori ?" asked an annoyed Garaa.

"Your right, I'll go high, you go low." Agreed Kiba.

-

"Um, Sasuke ?" asked Jiraiya as he paused the tape.

"Yeah ?" responded Sasuke sending a glare over his shoulder to where the Hyuga was once again hiding.

"They didn't, you know ?" asked Jiraiya.

"Shh !" Said Sasuke hitting the play button.

-

"Sasuke, Help !" screamed Neji as he was dragged into the alleyway. Sasuke sighed deeply as he contemplated helping.

"Kiba ? What are you doing to my cousin ?" asked an enraged sounding Hinata Hyuga.

"Hinata ? Save me !" called Neji.

"It's not what it looks like Hinata, I'm just helping Garaa, I'd prefer raping Sasuke." Explained Kiba, the group actually heard Sasuke's twitch, before the dogboy got into a catfight with Hinata.

"Hmm, if I help out Hyuga his well endowed cousin might 'reward' me." Sasuke was obviously holding the recorder as this was said under his breath.

"Back off Red, he's mine !" growled Sasuke as he swung an arm around Neji. Neji it seemed, didn't care.

"Oh Sasuke, protect me." Wailed Neji.

"Get out of my way Uch-" Garaa was cut off by what sounded like a slap.

"Stay away from my cousin you Red haired Man-whore." Screeched the Hyuga Heiress after back-handing Garaa.

"And you ?" she turned on Sasuke.

"I didn't know Neji had a boyfriend, nice to see you came out of the closet Sasuke." said the heiress happily.

"We're not, Nice tits by the way." Sasuke casually said making the group of listeners hold there breath, none off them had dared try a line like that.

"You should see them without all this pesky clothing on." Replied Hinata.

"How would you like to feel my Chakra ?" asked Sasuke casually.

"I'd pay !" purred the Hyuga Heiress.

"Shall we ?" asked Sasuke giving the Recorder to Neji.

"Let's ."

-

Neji x Ino

"Wow, Hyuga ? You look pathetic !" Stated Ino to the Hyuga, still lying in the alley he was abandoned in.

"Help me ?" asked Neji.

"What do you want me to do !" asked Ino amused.

"Make me feel like a man again ?" begged Neji, there was a sound of clothing being removed.

"Okay."

-

"Congratulations young lotuses on you success with the beautiful flowers." Bellowed Gai, grabbing the two ninja for a sunset moment.

"You used the Sharingan, didn't you ?" asked Kakashi hopefully, he could already taste a Sharingan controlled one night stand.

"Nope, after I got into her head I discovered I didn't have to, closet fan-girl." Explained Sasuke.

"No, not my cousin." Growled Neji.

"Check under her bed." Simply said Sasuke.

"Time to celebrate !" called Jiraiya breaking out a bottle of wine, his first students to succeed _ever._

-

Well, that took forever to write, anyway reviews will get you more chapters.

Yours truly, Sasuke's darkside

R&R


	3. Love

Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto.

Sasuke and Neji are in there late twenties in this, 28 and 29 or something, while Kakashi and Gai are in there early forty's, 41, 42ish, Naruto is a Hokage in training, while Sasuke and Neji are Jonin, Jiraiya's age is irrelevant. 

Chapter 3 ; Love

-

( Classroom )

"Okay then, just a quick check Sasuke, how's you relationship going ?" asked Jiraiya, he'd never actually had a student get that far so soon, they were prodigies alright.

"Well her father found out…" began Sasuke but was cut off by Neji.

"That's because you were doing it in his office, on his desk too." Neji looked quite annoyed when Jiraiya and Kakashi started clapping at his exclamation, Gai looked confused about what exactly 'it' was.

"So, it was her idea, and wasn't a turn off for her either, she started shouting Harder _after_ he walked in, anyway he sent her away to a nunnery and I've had the number of attempts on by life have increased slightly." Sasuke finished the story looking bored, Jiraiya shook his head sadly and mumbled "Damn Nunneries !"

"What about you Neji ?" asked the now upset Jiraiya.

"She told me pity sex was a one time deal and to fuck off." Said Neji with a sigh.

"Well what can you expect, anyway today we're working on confessions of love, so I want you to team up and confess your love to everyone on these lists." Announced Jiraiya breaking into a crackling evil laugh as he finished.

"Why are we partnering up ?" asked Neji.

"Because you attract stalkers."

-

( Sasuke and Neji vs. Naruto. )

"Um Dobe ?" asked an uncharacteristically nervous Sasuke.

"Ya Teme ?" asked Naruto with a smile.

"Eh ya, ya see, um Naruto I-I think that I'm, I'minlovewithyou." Blurted Sasuke gaining a confused look from Naruto.

"Come again teme ?" asked Naruto, giving the giggling Neji an odd look.

"I'm in Love with you dobe !" Sasuke half-yelled before getting very interested in his shoes, they were the most lovely shade of black.

"Sasuke ?" called Naruto in a soft voice.

'Sasuke ? When has the dobe ever used my nam- no it couldn't be.' Sasuke thought before raising his head to meet Naruto's eyes.

"It's going to be another one of those days isn't it ?" asked Sasuke before Naruto leaned in and kissed him. Neji thought he'd die laughing, serves the Uchiha right after the Garaa incident.

-

( Kakashi and Gai vs. Iruka and Naruto. )

"So tell me Naruto, what happened ?" asked an exited Iruka.

"Well, Sasuke came in to my office, looking drop-dead sexy as usual," Kakashi briefly wondered what was in his orange juice this morning, excluding the usual vodka of course.

"And well he was being all cute and stuttering and then he told me he Loved me, god I just grabbed him and, and kissed the living daylights out of him, he had such a cute blush when he left, I'm going to pay him a visit tonight !" rambled Naruto excitedly. 

Kakashi sighed deeply, it'd be his job to talk the Uchiha out of his beloved shower, the sigh caught Naruto and Iruka's attention.

"Yo Iruka, lets fuck ?" announced Kakashi causing Naruto and Iruka to stare blankly at him, there jaws lying abandoned on the floor, Kakashi quickly vanshed his duty done.

-

( Neji vs. Lee )

Sasuke may have abandoned him but Neji was a Hyuga damn it and he didn't need the Uchiha to protect him for Garaa, he was simply taking the long way because he liked the view.

"Lee, we need to talk." Announced the prodigy as he finally came across his former team-mate.

"What about Neji ?" asked Lee taking a break from his training.

"I'm just going to say it, I love you !" confessed Neji with a Hinata worthy blush.

"Neji, I'm married, I have kids," Started Lee. 

"I understand Lee." Neji was actually quite pleased, Naruto was married with kids too.

"So how do you feel about joining me and Tenten some night, I don't think she'd mind, we're a team after all." Exclaimed Lee.

Neji ran.

-

"I swear, It's something about the two of you, I mean you turned happily married man into Fan-boys." Complained Jiraiya as he shook his head.

"Well, maybe you should stop sending them to seduce men." Replied Kakashi.

"How was I supposed to know ?" asked Jiraiya.

"Think about it, when Sasuke was learning to breed fire, Naruto was cross-dressing(1), and while Neji got a swastika tattooed on his forehead Lee got a tattoo of Gai, do the math." Ranted Kakashi.

"Maybe your right." Conceded Jiraiya.

"Hey, where's Gai ?"

-

"My beautiful lotus's how I love you." Announced Gai in the Ladies hot spring. He was going for extra credit.

-

Okay how's the chapter, a bit short I know but I've been having writers block, ah it's bitch, so review, or I'll me mad, and possibly go mad to but I don't think there's any avoiding that at this point. 

R&R 


	4. Skills

Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto

Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto.

Sasuke and Neji are in there late twenties in this, 28 and 29 or something, while Kakashi and Gai are in there early forty's, 41, 42ish, Naruto is a Hokage in training, while Sasuke and Neji are Jonin, Jiraiya's age is irrelevant.

Chapter 4 ; Skills

-

"Today class you will be taking some self improvement classes, Gai and Neji please report to room sixty nine, Kakashi and Sasuke, room seventy." Said Jiraiya, wincing when Neji began bouncing his head on his table.

-

( Exotic Dancing.)

While Gai was happily doing handstands while they waited for there dance instructor, Neji was a different story, he was very afraid of who Jiraiya had found to teach them, he prayed to Destiny that the teacher would be normal.

Destiny had a good laugh at Neji's pleas.

In through the door walked Ibiki, the chunin examiner\ torture specialist, Neji wept.

"Hello Maggots, today I will be showing you the art of exotic dance." Announced Ibiki very professionally, bar the maggot comment, maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

That's when Ibiki threw off his large trench coat revealing what he wore beneath, a simple thong, Neji immediately looked horrified, Gai didn't seem to notice anything was wrong.

"Don't worry, I have a pair for each of you." Said Ibiki attempting a nice guy pose, Ibiki, nice guy pose, thong, Neji was going to be sick.

"Hot pink or lime green ?" asked Ibiki with a wink.

Neji got sick.

xXxXx

( Massaging )

Kakashi and Sasuke were having a little trouble understanding their teacher.

It's not that Tsunade didn't have their un-divided attention, the two hadn't stopped starring at her since she entered the classroom.

Wearing a low cut v-neck top and a short skirt, short as in could be confused for a belt short.

Get it yet.

"Kakashi stop starring at my breasts." Ordered Tsunade as Kakashi openly stared at her chest.

"Okay." So Kakashi simply tilted his head downward, that skirt covered nothing.

"So that's the way you want it, I'll use you for the demonstration then." With that Tsunade moved behind Kakashi to begin, Kakashi looked incredibly pleased.

"Ahhh !" that was the sound of Kakashi screaming under Tsunade's rough and violent ministrations.

"You like that huh ?" asked Tsunade as she continued to give poor Kakashi the brutal 'massage'.

Sasuke cowered in the corner, he bet that Neji got some easy, normal class.

xXxXx

( Konoha Park )

"Now, now, Neji stop being so childish." Shouted Ibiki to Neji.

"Fuck off you weird, weird man." Neji shouted back.

"Watch your language Neji, now come down from that tree and put on you're thong." Ordered Ibiki to Neji who was in fact clinging to the top of a rather tall tree in terror.

"Never !" bellowed Neji tightening his grip.

xXxXx

( Massaging )

"Bastard's probably laughing it up right now." Muttered Sasuke as Tsunade finished up with Kakashi, leaving the poor man to crumple into a broken mess on the floor.

"Okay your turn !" said Tsunade positioning herself in-front of the terrified last Uchiha.

"A-alright !" 'god knows what the woman will do to me if she doesn't like the massage' were Sasuke's thoughts as he began the massage.

"Well start already !" now this wouldn't have been a problem, if Sasuke hadn't started the massage 5 minutes ago, Tsunade just didn't seem to feel it.

"Um right !" seeing as she asked for it Sasuke decided to give her a taste of her own medicine, he began a very rough a violent attempt at a massage.

"You can stop the gentleness now Sasuke, I'm not one for foreplay." The Uchiha was getting frustrated now, what the fuck was this woman made from, with the frustration getting to him the last Uchiha decided to fuck it and gave Tsunade's back a hard punch.

"Oh, that's more like it, again ! And harder this time !" So Sasuke did, he hit her harder again and again and again, each time earning a moan from the masochistic woman.

"Oh, that's good, oh I'm starting to get a little turned on Uchiha ?" called Tsunade suggestively.

'Oh hell no, I don't even want to think of what this monster disguised as a woman will do to me !' thought Sasuke as he made a run for the door.

"Where do you think you're going Sassy, you have to finish what you started, Kakashi's not running." Stated Tsunade, who had a tight grip on the Uchiha.

Sasuke noted that while Kakashi may not be running away in his injured condition he sure as hell was doing his best to crawl away.

xXxXx

( Cooking Class )

Neji had been extremely pleased to leave his last class to go to this one, he would have nightmare's of that class for many, many, many years to come.

They'd go hand in hand with the Garaa and Lee nightmares.

Anyway, Neji had been relived to get to this class, till he discovered that Hiashi Hyuga was teaching the class.

And more alarmingly believed that he cooked best in the nude.

He was a self-proclaimed naked chief.

xXxXx

( Poetry class )

"Kakashi, Tsunade just made us her bitches didn't she ?" asked a somewhat dazed Sasuke as he and Kakashi awaited there next teacher.

"Yes Sasuke, yes she did." Replied an equally dazed Kakashi.

"Kakashi ?" continued Sasuke.

"Yes ?" asked Kakashi.

"How do you treat whip wounds ?" asked Sasuke still in a lifeless mode.

"I have no idea, that was the first time something like that happened to me." Responded Kakashi.

"We should never speak of this again…" began Sasuke.

"What happens in Tsunade's sex dungeon stays there ?" quickly agreed Kakashi.

"After we tell Jiraiya how to get into Tsunade's pants." Finished Sasuke.

"Of course." Agreed Kakashi.

That's when there teacher entered, or should I say teachers, Iruka…..

….and Naruto.

xXxXx

( Cooking Class )

"Okay then class, before I give out the chopping knife's I must stress the utmost carefulness in using them, wouldn't want to lose anything important now would we ?" explained Hiashi to Neji and Gai.

"Like what ?" asked Gai raising his hand before asking the question.

Neji and Hiashi managed to resist smacking there foreheads and muttering insults under they're breathes.

"Like a toe or something ?" continued Gai.

Neither Neji or Hiashi were able to resist this time.

xXxXx

( Poetry class )

"In you're deep dark depthless eyes, I see you're breathtakingly beautiful soul my love." Serenaded Naruto to Sasuke as soon as he entered the room.

"I'm out of here !" was Sasuke's 'loving' response a he bolted out of the blondes range and began towards the door.

That was until he heard Iruka mutter under his breath that he must be embarrassed because Naruto was better than him at poetry.

Now pride is a tricky thing, most men probably have a long list of stupid things they've done, while being consciously aware that these things were in fact stupid and that they'd regret them later, all in the name of pride.

Sasuke was about to add to his already rather long list.

"My serine shining sun-kissed angel who's brilliant blue sapphire eyes see the dark depths of my tortured soul, take my hand and our loves light will never die ?" responded Sasuke offering his hand to Naruto as he thanked whatever gods had listened that he'd accidentally read some poetry books with the Sharingan at Orochimaru's lair when he thought that the sanin was hiding his good jutsu behind some gen-jutsu.

Sasuke was however caught off guard when Naruto actually took his hand.

And started looking at him with a love-struck expression.

He could hear Kakashi roaring with laughter in the back ground.

"Shit !" The Uchiha tried desperately to think of an excuse as the dobe leaned in to kiss him.

"I've got to go collect, um, um, Neji !" exclaimed Sasuke hurriedly.

"Neji ?" asked a surprised Naruto.

"Yeah, never know when that crazy bastard Garaa will try to rape him, oh well got to go !" explained Sasuke quickly bolting out the door.

What Naruto didn't know was that Sasuke was now praising Garaa as his hero and would later send him some misleading letters from 'Neji'.

Sasuke did need Naruto avoiding excuses after all

xXxXx

( Cooking Class )

Getting chased by a naked Hiashi Hyuga had not been on Sasuke's to-do list today, or ever for that matter.

But seeing as he entered the cooking class claiming to be there to collect Neji, Hiashi had come to the wrong conclusion.

Namely that with Hinata safe and sound in a nunnery after the Uchiha had stolen her 'innocence' that Sasuke had now decided to corrupt his Nephew, Sasuke briefly wondered if Hiashi would send Neji to a friary or considering how much the Hyuga's prided themselves in there long hair, a nunnery in drag.

But mainly Sasuke thought of way's to torture the cause of all his recent problems Jiraiya, all the while running from the nude Hyuga head.

xXxXx

Sorry for the delay, I've been having a bit of writers block.

P.S. Sorry if the poetry's shit, it's not really my thing.

R&R


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